Sunday, October 12, 2008

New Story Beats_FINAL_version 2

I've already had a few people read the story and give me feedback on it. They really like it but suggested introducing the son first as then it would be clear that he is the main character in the story. Keeping that in mind, I came up with this adjustment to the story.

- we see the father showing his a picture of himself and his father doing the rain dance when he was smaller.

- the father gives his son a smaller version of the hat he is wearing and asks him to put it on to learn the rain dance

- the boy looks upset and runs over to his drums and starts playing

- the dad walks over to the boy, the hat in his hands and motions for the boy to stop playing

- shocked the boy stops and looks at his dad

- The dad walks over and puts the hat he had in his hands on his sons head and then pushes the drums aside

- the boy looks upset, he immediately starts walking towards the drums but his father motions him to come back.

- The boy reluctantly leaves the drums and goes to his father.

- The dad starts doing the rain dance singing his chant as he dances .

- The boy looks annoyed

- The boy reluctantly does the rain dance but he's not into it at all.

- The dad stops him and tells him to watch him again. he does the rain dance again.

- But the boy is looking away at his drums.

- The dad gets angry at the boy when he notices that he isn't paying attention.

- lighting strikes and fire breaks out

- the dad panicks and starts doing the rain dance chanting as he dances

- not much rain falling

- the boy takes his hat off and runs to his drums

- he starts playing furiously

- The dad looks towards him but annoyed

- The rain falls really heavily and puts the fire out.

- The dad and boy start rejoicing,

- dad hugs his son.

- picture on the desk, you see the picture of the dad and his father and next to that another picture of the dad doing his rain dance while his son is drumming.
The end.

No comments: